Written by contributor Katie Kimball of Kitchen Stewardship.
As the progeny of a counter-cultural mama who always hated pink as a child, my daughter Leah is remarkably similar to the average 3-year-old girl in our culture: she owns and loves about a zillion Disney princess items (courtesy of doting grandparents), from her comforter to T-shirts to the cup in the bathroom.
The major difference? She’s never seen their movies.
The closest she’s come to princesses outside a storybook is Disney on Ice, and even her 200-page princess stories book is sitting on our master closet shelf after one too many tales that were not age appropriate and just doggone uncomfortable to read to a 3-year-old who doesn’t understand what’s going on anyway.
Grandma got her some new princess gear for Easter and asked, “What’s this princess’s name?”
Leah answered honestly and casually, “I don’t know…I only know Cindah-wewa.” (We’re still working on “L” and “R” sounds.)
Do I care that she can’t peg Aurora, the name of Disney’s Sleeping Beauty?
Do you care that I had to Google that to figure it out?
I actually take great pride that she doesn’t. Besides the fact that none of these movies are made for a 3-year-old mentality and she’d barely know what was going on, there are so many things I’d rather my daughter fill her expanding mind with: from how to identify beginning sounds to using “please” consistently, from drawing squares with actual corners to saying her “R” sound correctly. If she can remember the names of all her friends in real life and how to play fair with them, Sleeping Beauty can never wake up for all I care.
Are my kids the only ones who don’t watch TV?
Photo by espensorvik
Sometimes I reflect in awe about how removed from the popular culture my family is, including the kiddos. They can talk like this: “I was like, dude, you are kidding me!” but they don’t have a clue who Phineas and Ferb are, what Nick Jr. is, or even how microwave popcorn works. (And, yes, I did go to the Disney Channel website to figure out what names they don’t know…)
With television, as with food, I try to go with the, “What they don’t know can’t annoy them” rule, meaning that if the kids don’t know certain shows exist, I’m not a mean mom if I don’t let them watch. I limit their exposure as much as I can, difficult in a world of licensed characters around every bed.
We allow an hour of “screen time” per day, which includes television, computer games, and video games like Wii. Most days, not a minute of the hour is touched. I’m guessing my kids don’t even realize that Saturday morning TV is populated with cartoons for 8 hours straight, all aimed at their demographic.
They also don’t really understand TV in real time or commercials that can’t be skipped, anyway, with the advent of the DVR. As my oldest gets further into elementary school, though, I’ll start to lose control as the kids spend more time without me, playing at friends’ houses.
Boys vs. Girls: A double standard?
I was really pleased when we moved to a new neighborhood and a neighbor told me that “the boys in the neighborhood aren’t the type to hole up and play video games; they’re always outside playing sports and super active.” It’s a great fit for my son Paul, who will hang in there playing hockey with the big boys and love it. (He might also be the catalyst for a neighborhood-wide bug-catching challenge; time will tell.)
Imagine my surprise when this same father invited Leah in to play and assured me that she and his daughter “always just watch TV or play kitchen or whatever.”
What? Watch TV?
We, the weird family, have this crazy rule that we don’t watch TV when guests are over since it’s not a social thing. Besides that, there are a lot of shows we don’t allow our children to watch (see above).
I had two internal dilemmas as I walked home:
- How do I bring up the fact that I’d rather Leah not watch TV at all on an hour-long playdate?
- Why is it okay that the girls watch television as the norm but negative for the boys?
I’m sure television viewing is far from the only subject in which I’ll notice a disparity between genders as my kids grow up (see princesses, above), but it certainly came as a surprise. I hope the culture will forgive my daughter her ignorance of cartoon characters as much as I hope it will accept the fact that she nurses her baby dolls and thinks waitressing would be a great job when she grows up.
Is avoiding television a “green” thing to do?
It seems that it’s more likely the naturally-minded, crunchy sort of mamas whose kids have similar TV restrictions as mine, so I’m trying to figure out if watching very little TV is related to the subject of being “green.” It’s not particularly eco-friendly, other than saving a minute amount of energy when the television is off.
I’ve come to the conclusion that if we want to raise up children who are outdoorsy, who appreciate nature, and who are connected to the earth, we need to teach them to be the type to dig potatoes rather than become a couch potato…regardless of whether they’re girls or boys.
Let’s turn off the TV as much as possible this month and encourage kid-directed play, preferably in the dirt. Maybe there is a reason after all why “Screen Free Week” and Earth Day hit the same month.
What’s your strategy for limiting screen time?
About Katie Kimball
We don’t own a tv, but our daughter does sometimes watch shows on the iPad. I limit that and she only has access to three options: raffi, baby einstein, or dinosaur train (random combination, I know). It works pretty well for us; though, my husband and I do watch hulu some and we have to be careful we don’t use it to avoid everything else that should be done in the evenings.
While I completely agree with the concept of no tv/limited tv with kids, I have to chime in with a slightly different method. I don’t limit my kids’ TV time (I do limit computer time- my 4 year old has just learned to run the computer and play games, and I do think navigating a computer is a valuable skill I want my kids to learn, but she would play for hours if I let her, so I limit her to 1 hour). But I do work hard to limit my own TV time- I am/have been a bad TV addict. Pretty sure all I did when I was pregnant with my first was watch Law and Order and Judging Amy reruns on TNT (bad bad bad!). But I have come to terms with my love of TV- I watch 30-60 minutes of news in the morning and turn it off until the evening news (sometimes later, sometimes it doesn’t get turned on at all) and watch a few shows in the evening. We have an LCD tv so I don’t fret much about the energy used.
So far as my kids go, though, they have rules concerning what they watch and where, but not how much. They even have their own TV in the playroom, which is always set to a commercial free channel (Nick Jr. or Sprout, very occasionally Disney but they play too much tween/teen stuff that isn’t appealing to my kids). But we live on a small farm (using the term loosely… haha) and there is always something much more exciting to do than watch TV, and they don’t really like being banished to the playroom when they want screen time. So I would guess that my daughter (5) watches next to no TV and my son (3) watches about an hour or so. And they are self regulating, which I love.
But I am super sensitive about branding and liscensing. The one area I am truly the “bad guy” with my kids is when it comes to character merchandise. I WILL NOT buy anything with a character on it for my kids UNLESS the inherent value of the item outweighs the presence of the character (ie it’s just a really good, cute, comfortable looking shirt that just happens to have a character on it… but let’s just say that doesn’t happen very often!).
My children are older, in fact, my oldest will be graduating from homeschooling this spring. We began to limit TV when they were young when there was a challenge to “unplug” the TV for a week. I never thought we could do it- but they did just fine. It was probably my husband and I who missed it the most. Then we took TV away from them from Thanksgiving eve through New Year’s because of the “I want this and this for Christmas” when each new item was shown in commercials over the holidays. Then once we got internet on our phones and we could check the weather with that, we have now disconnected our TV all together; no news channels, no PBS. And we all love it. I thought there would be a problem since they are teenagers now, but they were actually pretty thrilled and game night, or going for a walk together is so much easier to incorporate into our schedules. I wish we would have done it sooner.
I am impressed with your consistency with “screen” time, something that most households would not even conceive of doing. My husband and I removed cable from our home and only watch a movie at night (or not at all) and tennis when it’s the majors playing (we do have our weaknesses). Overall, though, I now have much more time to do productive endeavors, and that’s always a good feeling.
This is an issue I am still debating. While I grew up with no TV in the house and extremely limited exposure overall (rented TV each year over Christmas vacation to watch movies as a family) my husband’s family grew up watching movies and TV all the time. My parents bought a TV when I was 15, and by then my habits had evolved to where I didn’t really include TV watching on a daily basis. I learned to read at 3 1/2 years old. I played imaginatively with my little brother. I occasionally wished for TV, but not too often. I know it was a great way to grow up, but I’m fairly sure it’s not to be repeated in our house.
My hubby loves sports, so in our apartment we have cable and watch ESPN, Food Network, Cooking Channel, HGTV, and PBS shows. We’ve been known to watch other things (documentaries on Netflix, the history channel) but mostly the above 5. I’ve been on bedrest a bit during my pregnancy, so it’s nice to have something relaxing and effortless to do when I’m needing rest but not necessarily sleepy.
Now that I’m 29 weeks pregnant, I’m starting to think about how much TV our twin girls will watch. I felt left out of conversations as a kid, anything that involved TV or movies. I don’t like the idea of our daughters feeling this way. Plus, Mommy and Daddy still like watching TV, and since our lineup of favorites is fairly harmless and supplements an active lifestyle, I think we’ll find a way to include it.
I know that my childhood centered around reading and imaginative play, and I plan to encourage that as much as possible in our daughters from birth onward. Reading to the kids is something to which I’m looking forward. That being said, Sesame Street could go hand in hand with reading and imaginative play-just not hours and hours of Sesame Street.
As for the TV commercials? My husband and I both studied advertising in college, each from different angles (mine historical, his brand management) so we pick apart commercials all the time. I doubt our daughters will have any illusions about what we’re watching. I don’t feel as though I was necessarily deprived growing up, but I agree with the poster who said childhood can be difficult enough without intentionally differentiating your child. There are some ways they will be different, but TV can be moderated so they can be social and well-rounded at the same time.
Since we cyberschool, we very much limit any other screen time. In fact, my kids have been known to pray for rain, bc I usually only allow tv/wii on rainy days..nice days they need to be outside! We dvr shows that I think have value (like mythbusters for science/math, cooking shows for learning more abt the kitchen and inspiring them to try different food combos, for example), so we have them available for rainy days. They’re not allowed to watch commercials… (This really helps with the “I wants” for them and me;), plus they don’t see yucky commercials.)
“…we don’t watch TV when guests are over since it’s not a social thing.” I LOVE THIS! Our family recently had dinner at another friend’s house and a total of four families (9 kids total) were there. The living room flowed into the dining room and kitchen, and there was a movie on the TV (a non-kids appropriate movie, I might add) that was on THE ENTIRE TIME we were there – 3 hours. This movie nearly ruined the time we had with our friends. It was loud, it was big, it was not appropriate for the kids, was in the same room and despite the efforts of some wives to turn it down (or off!), the TV prevailed. In fact, one husband stayed in the room the entire night, with one exception to get a plate of food. I think he may have spoken 3 words to us the entire night. When we left, my husband and I were reassured for our own reasons of not having cable, nor turning on Netflix when company is over.
Screen time here is limited to mama taking a (quick) shower and a way to either “ease into” the morning or “quiet down” as the afternoon approaches, depending on our days. My kids are limited to a small selection of educational programs (Leapfrog and VeggieTales mainly) and they know it’s a treat. Screen time is often taken away if our attitude and behavior isn’t proper, and very rarely is the screen on if it’s sunny outside!
I also have a Disney-loving princess and the only reason I know some of their names is from my own childhood. She’s totally content calling them “pink princess” or “yellow princess” and that’s fine with me too!
We limit our screen time as well, usually 1-2 hours per day. When we do watch its usually something on Netflix, we don’t have cable. And the shows vary between Dinosaur Train, National Geographic, and How it’s Made. We also have a wii and my oldest plays that at times, usually 2-3 times a week.
At our house we don’t have TV. The kids are allowed to watch one movie a week. And I prefer them to choose Vegetales.. or something with moral goodness. They do get plenty or screen time at grammy’s house tho!
A ‘crunchy’ friend and I were talking about that the other day. Actually we were wondering how some of the other moms we know are always dressed to kill with makeup and heels and we hardly have time to shower. It comes down to t.v and we don’t use it as a babysitter, we’d rather have our kids (which are under 15 months) run around and make a mess for us to clean than begin the brain numbing tv watching this young. They’ll have plenty of time for brain numbing activities when they have more control over their time and activities. I truly think one of the best things we can do for our kiddos is to teach them to be with themselves and use their imaginations to find entertainment. great post!
While I think it’s great that there are families that can go tv-free, I would really appreciate some advice on how to break the habit. What can you do when your kids are fully entrenched in 3-4 hours of tv a day and you just can’t get anything done unless the stupid box is on? I’d love to go no tv, but every time I try, I fail miserably. Any tips out there?
I’d have to say start slowly, by finding some things your children enjoy doing w/o tv and focus on those for a week, even if you have to do it with them. Make a plan and a goal for their screen time on the calendar (for you, not for them) and work at it. My kids happen to love putting on a CD and dancing, and that seems like a decent “bridge” activity, since it’s not exactly pretend play but still no screen. You can do it! I wish you the best!
Katie
Love this. My husband and I struggle though because in order for us to have internet we had to get cable. Although we never watch the cable we do stream Netflix and Hulu quite a bit. We generally watch 30 minutes of tv a night during dinner ( terrible habit I know) but unfortunately we are never home during the day and by the time we get home its dinner time and then bed. I struggle getting my husband not to spend the whole weekend in front of the tv though. He grew up doing nothing but tv and video games. It amazes me how much of a trance the tv puts him in. I can walk around with my boobs hanging out and even sashay them next to him and he will be completely oblivious. lol. As soon as our baby comes though we have agreed no tv and that we will play board games,read books or listen to music instead. He will deploy shortly after our baby is born and we plan to sell the tv so maybe we just won’t buy one when he returns.
I limit the dead brain sort of tv my two homeschooled kids watch, and I do agree that much of the programming out there is not appropriate for kids (some of it for anyone at all), but I don’t villify it like some. My four-year-old son’s favorite programs are Woody Woodpecker cartoons and How It’s Made. My nine will watch documentaries, loves things like Mythbusters and Dirty Jobs. They’re both at or above level in education, and they are well socialized. We don’t have cable, but yeah, we watch Netflix. And it’s kinda nice to curl up while we relax to it. I think it’s like anything- moderation is key. I don’t consider tv time to be a “green” issue, per se. I also think that (acceptable, well-screened) tv time can give children insight into the outside world; ergo, other cultures, societies, etc. I’m talking APT and the History Channel though, not SpongeBob and The Jersey Shore (which incidentally I think embodies everything wrong with pop culture today… how disgusting.). But then, not everything in my cabinet is organic. (Gasp!) Why? ‘Cause I do wait tables for a living.
We have mostly limited our girls to one hour of TV each day. Their current favourites are the old shows like The Brady Bunch, Bewitched, My Three Sons … which they watch on DVD. For the last few years they have also had “TV Dinner” on Friday nights, which means watching a movie.
My girls are 12 and 14 now, and when they were younger I was very careful about what movies they watched. But the good news? Before I knew it, they had grown up a lot and were suddenly the right age for these movies, appreciating them a lot more than their peers had years earlier, and we all enjoy them. I’m so glad we didn’t rush into these movies before they were ready, there’s plenty of time later on … And plenty of great shows for younger kids. Everything in its own time! Childhood rushes away soon and I want my girls to experience things when they are ready, not before!
Great post.
Hi Katie,
I’ve followed “Simple Mom” for a while, but just started subscribing to the other Simple sites. I love them all! You guys to a great job.
This post was timely for me today, as I was working on a project that fits right in with this topic.
We do have a tv in our home and we allow limited computer and wii use. Currently, we are fasting from TV during the week, and as always, our kids’ time on Wii and computer is limited to 1 hour/day total. I agree, that we should step away from screens as much as possible. I am often more guilty than my kids when it comes to screen overload. Yet, every time I take walk away from technology and focus on doing life, I’m never disappointed. And usually, my blogging is better because of it.
You can read more about our family “tech policies”and access a free PDF of Psalm 101:2-3 Subway art here:
http://addingtothebeautyblog.blogspot.com/2012/04/be-careful-little-eyes.html
Thanks!
I think it is a ‘greener’ way of living, as it makes the simple things in life more interesting than technology, and conquers the concept of having the best new gadget/toy as soon as it is available.